


How to Get an Alien Boyfriend

by saltedwalnut45 (uninvited_guest)



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Eventual ZaDr, I’ll add more tags later, M/M, No GIR, No Smut, Perish., Slight swearing, Slow Burn, Zadr AU where Dib rescues Zim from Area 51, Zim managed to get caught by the government because he is a fool, area 51
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-29 03:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20075617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uninvited_guest/pseuds/saltedwalnut45
Summary: Area 51 Raid AUDib has always wanted to meet a real alien, but with the Area 51 Raid he gets the chance to get an alien, bring it home and more!





	How to Get an Alien Boyfriend

It was scorching hot, to say the very least.

The sun had warmed the air so that not even shade could save you from the heat’s wrath. This desert made Hell seem like the perfect vacation. It made swimming in lava feel like a refreshing pool to escape the heat in. It felt like you were unwillingly in Satan’s sauna and the temperature was set to high.

Of course, since Dib made the trip to Area 51 nearly every month, he was prepared for the sweltering heat and packed himself with a cooler, sunscreen and a pair of alien themed tank tops and shorts. That didn’t mean he wasn’t dripping with sweat and didn’t had to furiously fan himself with his hand, it just meant he was mentally prepared to do this. Unfortunately, the millennials surrounding him hadn’t been that foreseeing . 

Hundreds of sweaty people flooded the area, chugging water bottles and rolling their sleeves up in a hopeless attempt to try to stay cool in this uncannily warm afternoon. He could hear people groaning about the heat all around him, grumbling about things like, “I feel like I’m melting.” and, “Will the raid just start already?”

Some people were dressed in athletic clothes (With shirts saying a variety of things, such as ‘If you shoot me, you’re gay.’), and some in anime cosplays of characters Dib could not even hope to name. One dude even brought a body pillow, though judging by the grumpy scowl on his face he probably now regrets it.

There was still some more time until the raid actually began, so Dib decided to get an ice cream sandwich out of his cooler and lean up against his car like the cool kid he was never destined to be.

And the car was flaming hot.

Dib let out a shriek and lurched off the car, hands reaching behind him cradle his back, causing him to drop his precious ice cream to the unforgiving ground below. 

Damn this hellish heat.

Scoffing in anger at the heat and disappointment in himself, Dib glared at the blistering car, and then at the wasted dessert that was now melting into the ground.

He turned his attention to the crowd, who were now growing rowdy in anticipation. Groups were cheering and chanting references that Dib didn’t quite get. Everyone began moving closer to the starting line, which was where the gate through the barbed wire fence encircled the base. It seemed the raid would begin soon enough.

Dib picked up his backpack, which until now had been resting on the ground, and dug into it, searching for his car keys. After half a minute of mixing all the useless things he didn’t even know he had in his backpack and pouring some useless item out, he finally found his keys. He celebrated his victory with an awkward little celebratory dance. (It was really just flailing around and pumping his fist in the air)

Swiftly, Dib locked his car up and began his journey over to the crowd.

It felt awful jogging in this heat and he couldn’t imagine how the unprepared millennials will feel as they ‘naruto run’ (Dib had no idea what this meant) will full cosplays on through the gates to Area 51. Why did they come so unprepared?

Dib made it to the people and slightly pushed himself to the front, muttering ‘excuse me’ and ‘sorry’ along the way. He needed to be on the front lines, even if the risk was exponentially higher. 

He would be bringing home an alien today.

The people around him decided to count down from 69 seconds, and Dib double checked himself and prepared for running.

_ Bullet proof vest? Yep. _

_ Taser for in case he runs into some guards? Got it. _

_ Duffel bag to hide the alien in? Damnit. Left it in the car. Guess I’ll be carrying this alien myself. _

The time was growing near.

Dib posed himself into a running position. (He has no idea if this actually affected running, but he saw athletes do it so it had to do something, right?) His heart began racing in a confusing mix of excitement and anxiousness and he got a little nauseous.

“TEN,”

_ What if I get arrested? _

“NINE,”

_ Or shot by the guards? _

“EIGHT,”

_ Or the aliens aren’t friendly to me? _

“SEVEN,”

_ Or... _

“SIX,”

_ No, it’s too late now. _

“FIVE,”

_ I can’t be thinking about this. _

“FOUR,”

_ In the end it will all be worth it. _

“THREE,”

_ At the end of all of this, I will have my very own alien _.

“TWO,”

_ Or at least some neat alien tech. _

“ONE!!”

Cheers roared around him as he and everyone else began sprinting as fast as their legs could take them through the main gate. As they ran, they pounded the dry earth beneath them, probably making a cloud of dirt for the people behind them.

Dib looked ahead and could see the guards standing in a straight line ahead of them, armed with stun guns and prepared for the wave of millennials about to hit them. 

But the front line of millennials were expecting this. Naruto running at full speed and clad with full body cosplays, they charged into the line of guards. Using (probably foam) weapons they had brought with them, they knocked down the human barrier keeping them from the secrets of Area 51.

Apparently they weren’t as unprepared as Dib had originally thought.

The army of raiders then reached their next obstacle: the front doors. The door was rather large and metal, and appeared to be very high security. Murmurs ran through the crowd, discussing what to do next.

A buff man clad in a frilly magical anime girl cosplay made his way to the front while proclaiming to have the key. He raised his hand heroically up to the scanner next to the door, revealing a key card he had probably snatched from the fallen guards. An affirmative beep chimed through the air, and the doors began to steadily open. 

The army was now inside.

Dib was washed over with a cooling breeze of air conditioning, which felt amazing after running in the middle of a desert in the afternoon.

The main room had rather nice architecture and advanced gadgets but Dib did not have a moment to spare to marvel in it. The room was now crowded with exhausted yet still determined raiders. Along the walls was a neat directory and Dib seeked out where the aliens would be stored.

_ Extraterrestrial Technology.. Space-Travel Vehicles.. (Dib pondered if he should check that one out afterwards) Extraterrestrial Weapons... Ah! There it is! Live Specimen Housing in the Northeast section! _

Dib checked where that was on the rather convenient map and began hurrying over there. Fortunately, it was relatively near the entrance so he didn’t have to run too much farther on his now hurting legs.

The hallway way long and rather boring compared to the main room, with clean white walls, clean white floors and bright white lighting. 

At long last, he made it to a metal door labeled: ‘Live Specimen Housing’ 

It was a heavy door, but he managed to push it open using his will power to find a real alien. Inside was a dimly-lighted, spacious room, with rows upon rows of colorful, liquid filled columns. Dib quickly rushed over to one of the tubes, excitement bubbling up inside him as he peered into the glass.

Curled up inside the tube rested a little green alien.

**Author's Note:**

> hhhhhh I’m planning on making this a long fic but I'm not great at writing long fics so we’ll really just have to see how it ends up


End file.
